Erica's Story of Hope

My journey into motherhood wasn’t an easy one. I had a rough pregnancy and was extremely sick all 9 months with numerous hospital visits, followed by a really difficult labor. And then, when my baby finally arrived, I thought maybe things would start to settle and I could move on. Instead, I was thrown into extreme colic for 12 weeks. If my baby wasn’t sleeping, she was screaming at the top of her lungs and nothing we did helped. I experienced a kind of emotional overwhelm I wasn’t prepared for, but what surprised me the most was the anxiety I felt. It wasn’t anxiety about my baby - I trusted myself to care for my child. For me, it was anxiety about having anxiety. I would wake up and immediately wonder how I would get through the day. Everyday felt endless. Each morning started with a panic attack. I would sweat, dry heave, shake, and pace around the house. I was convinced I was going to feel this way for ever. And then the anxiety would spiral from there.

On the outside, life kept moving. No one I knew had experienced colic or postpartum issues. They all had wonderful experiences. My husband tried to help but he didn’t understand. It was the loneliest period of my life. I went back to work, showing up to meetings, smiling, trying to function, while most days, crying alone in my office just minutes before.

My thoughts got really heavy. I remember thinking things like, “My life is over”, “I had a baby and ruined everything” and “I just want to get in my car, drive away, find my own apartment and start again”. Those thoughts scared me, because what mom had these thoughts? I was convinced I was the worst mother out there and my baby deserved a better mom.

That’s where the Center came in.

The Center gave me something I didn’t realize I desperately needed: a place to talk openly, without judgment. A place where I could say the scary thoughts out loud and instead of being met with silence or confusion, I was met with understanding. I heard other people say they had the same thoughts, the same fears and the same spirals. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone and I didn’t feel broken. I learned that these thoughts can happen, and that they don’t define you, and most importantly, this was not the end of my story. I learned that this postpartum phase doesn’t last forever, even when it feels endless in the moment. And most importantly, I found a sense of community. People who truly get it. The Center didn’t just give me support, it gave me perspective, connection, and hope during a time when I really needed it.

I have an almost 2-year-old and I finally feel back to myself. I am almost completely weaned off all my anxiety medication and am even throwing around the idea of a 2nd baby. I am so grateful to the Center for being there during such a tough and lonely time. - Erica

We are so grateful to Erica for sharing her story with our community. If you or someone you know is in need of support, please reach out today. At the NWI Center for Maternal Wellness, we offer education, peer support and resources to mothers struggling with their mental health. We would love to walk alongside you on your journey to wellness.