Marie's Story of Hope

As we celebrate Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, we will be sharing some very special stories from our volunteers. Today, we have the honor of sharing Marie's Story of Hope.

"Although I wasn’t yet a mother, my journey into motherhood started at 17 years old, when I was told I would likely never have children, because I had a pretty severe form of PCOS. I didn’t get my period- I could only get it through medication, most of which made me ill in one way or another. But I was 17, and I didn’t take it too seriously as I wasn’t ready for kids anyway and figured not getting my period was a way better deal than taking medication that made me feel terrible.

When I was 23, I met my now husband and we got married just a few years later. We both DEFINITELY wanted a family. We were poor, fresh-out of college kids, so we couldn’t look into fertility treatments to even see if anything was possible and just sort of hoped a miracle would happen. It didn’t. When I was 27, I landed a dream job that had great insurance benefits. So, I decided to take that opportunity to find a reproductive endocrinologist. I spent quite a few years trying different things- Clomid, Letrozole, artificial insemination and lots of injections I forget the names of. I didn’t want to do IVF for personal reasons, and as a last resort my doctor decided to try the injections for IVF and the trigger shot to release the eggs combined with natural intercourse. It worked! Tests were coming back positive! We saw three sacs, one of which had a heartbeat, one that looked good but was maybe still too early to see the heartbeat, and another that was beginning to disintegrate. I held onto that one heartbeat like the little lifeline that it was. We were so excited! Not long after I started having a bit of morning sickness, and I had never been so happy to feel ill.

However, I was also gaining weight kind of rapidly and was increasingly feeling short of breath. Then, I started having very sharp pains in my abdomen. I called my doctor, and she suspected I had released more eggs than the three that took, and that the cysts from those eggs were growing rapidly and bursting. She recommended I go to the ER to get checked out to see if the fluid from the cysts was getting into my lungs. This ER visit was terrible. Not only was I in a lot of pain, but when I asked for an x-ray to see if there was fluid in my lungs, the ER doctor said no because I was pregnant and asked if I was talking to “Dr. Google”. I fought for that X-ray, and sure enough, there was fluid in my lungs. I had Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome, and apparently no one in the hospital had ever heard of it, so they called in my doctor to help. I had to have over two liters of fluid drained from my lungs, and they couldn’t put me under because I was pregnant. It was awful. After the procedure, they sent me home to rest.

My doctor sent me off to start with an OB, and at about 11 weeks I went to my first OB appointment to get checked out and also see the status of that sac and whether I was having twins or not. Before even seeing the doctor, I was sent to a different building where they did their ultrasounds. The technician began the exam, and after a few moments asked me what we were looking for. I told her it was to check on one sac that we saw a heartbeat in around 6 weeks and another one to see if was also viable. She replied that she saw nothing but two empty sacs and didn’t understand why I was here. She wouldn’t tell me anything else, but to go see my OB. I was devastated. I tried to head over to the OB’s office to see if she would get me in, but they just told me since my appointment wasn’t for another week I’d have to wait. I was freaking out. I called my reproductive endocrinologist, and she told me to come in right away. The one we had seen with a heartbeat in it had passed, and the other sac was a blighted ovum. It appeared that the blighted ovum would likely continue to grow for a few weeks with no embryo in it before I miscarried. I could either wait it out or have a D&C to remove all of the dead tissue. At first, I refused to give up hope that maybe it was still viable, but after a weekend of depression and tears my husband and I decided together that maybe it was best if I went ahead with the procedure so we could begin the process of moving on.

I had a check-up with my doctor a few days after it was over, and one of the first things she said was that I have three months. Three months to heal, and then we needed to try again, because in her experience my body would be most ready at this time to carry a baby. I was taken aback by this- I wasn’t ready to try again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through any of this again. She assured me that after seeing how my body responded, she was going to modify the injection amounts and monitor me closely to make sure everything went as planned. She was so confident and determined, and I while I wasn’t sure how ready I was, I was sure I wasn’t ready to give up hope. I decided to try.

She did exactly what she said and in that first try after the miscarriage I became pregnant again. With one sac, a strong heartbeat and it ended in a perfect baby boy. Six years of uncertainty, tears, frustration, unstable hormones from medications and injections, and a body that was constantly thrown into disarray, and it finally worked. We had a baby!

I went from being told I would never have children at the age of 17, and now we have five healthy children. Infertility is a very real, and often a very passed over struggle that too many women face. I hope my story can help other women who are struggling to find hope that maybe a different path towards motherhood is out there!"

We are so grateful to Marie for sharing her story with our community. If you or someone you know is in need of support, please reach out today. At the NWI Center for Maternal Wellness, we offer education, peer support and resources to mothers and families struggling with Perinatal Mental Health Disorders. We would love to walk alongside you on your journey to wellness.

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